But be careful not to use humor as a weapon to express sarcasm or to vent. Allow your partner to be angry, sad, or frustrated, and try to listen without judgment. Expressing understanding goes a long way toward turning a mood swing into a confrontation. If an argument or attack gets personal, suggest that it may be time for you to step away because of how you are feeling rather than what your partner is doing. Don't leave things unsaid. If you are not someone who easily expresses appreciation or admiration, now is the time to learn.
If your partner looks attractive, say so. Remind them what qualities drew you together—and still hold you together—as a couple. You can even plan the occasional surprise gift or dinner outing to show your appreciation. If you find it unnatural to express praise, say so The effort means more than you can imagine, and over time expressing appreciation may become natural to you.
In addition to education and communication skills. Menopause can trigger anxiety and cause your loved one to become easily overwhelmed. Doing simple things like washing the dishes or cleaning the living room help ease a hectic schedule. Planning ahead also helps. Things that break a normal routine can cause stress. If there is anything that may cause anxiety and tension such as a home repair, a visit from relatives, and a work deadline , discuss what you can do to lift some of the burdens.
Being proactive rather than reactive is always the better option. This may involve exploring CPAP therapy if there is sleep apnea and improving sleep hygiene practices.
If you as the partner have a sleep problem, such as snoring, you can help by occasionally sleeping in the guest room if your loved one has insomnia. A good night's sleep can go a long way to improving anyone's mood. Support your loved one's health. Doing so not only makes them healthier but can improve moods and change how they feel about themselves.
Don't sit on the sidelines. Getting started on any exercise plan is easier if you participate. Offer to take nightly walks or weekend bike rides. These can become a healthy ritual that you can both feel good about.
The same applies to weight loss. Rather than stranding your partner is a separate diet, share the experience together. If you don't need to lose weight, you can bolster your calorie intake separately but still enjoy the same breakfast, lunch, or dinner with your loved one.
Sex is a common struggle during the menopausal years when the libido can wane and one partner may want sex more than the other. The trick is to find the right balance of intimacy and sexuality. Focus for a while on staying physically close rather than making sexual intercourse the hard and fast rule.
Time will tell. Wish me hope and luck. Is it too late?? Wow, this is what has happened to my relation with my wife. We were always extremely close and loving with each other. We always held hands and touched no matter where we we were. I would look at other couples and feel sorry for them that they did not have what my wife and I had. Shortly after that the wonderful wife I knew for 22 years went away.
That woman is very difficult to get along with and very cold. HRT does not help. Sometimes I think that makes things worse. I was looking forward to growing old with this wonderful woman who was my best friend for 22 years. We have now been married for 26 years and the last 4 have not been good. In the past 4 years she has told me she is not in love with me anymore. But still says she loves me.
She has accused me of cheating , which I never have. She has wanted to move out. She will not kiss me anymore. Thanks for letting me vent. One of the Admins here is in the process of creating a group specifically for men on Facebook in the near future.
I met my wife on Thursday called her Friday and we were engaged Sunday. All seemed fine and over the years we worked together and only argued 10 times at the most. She went back to finish her degree and started getting g short and mean. We moved back to Alabama for a job change and to be closer to our aging mothers. She seemed to start getting lost and distant and I suggested she get a job so she can socialize with others during the day.
She reached out to an ex boyfriend from college who terrorized her. She said she was retiring be a better person and help him through some tough times and she found victim pain and resentment she got rid of. I do believe they are not involved as he lives 5 hours away but during the time of hot flashes, might sweats, massive hair loss in the shower she denies she has anything wrong.
My daughter begged for her to see a therapist or someone to talk to but nothing. On August 3 she told me she loves me, likes me, but is not in love with me.
August 27 we signed papers wanting no alimony, none of our assets just out for a fresh start and is moving 2 hours away. I had no clue this was coming. Everyone who has been in our lives for 28 years is shocked. I know am a lost man wondering where my wife, friend, lover and partner in crime went.
I will put my life on hold with hopes she will find herself on this journey of discovery and the path will bring her back to me. I love him so much but at the same time I want to run away from him and my children. My labido has gone to live on the moon. The struggle is real. I want my old self back.
I miss her just as much as my partner does. Why do we have to go through this!! Please bare with her! She might just come back. I hope I do. Thanks for sharing this. The disaster strikes. We were living away from each other for 5 years as she wanted to set up and run a business in Florida. Supporting her through these 5 years financially and providing moral support with trips to go see her periodically I chose to raise the kids and send them to university while she was busy building the business.
The kids completed university and we all even went on a family cruise spending time joyfully. It was my 50 th birthday and our 25 th wedding anniversary year when one day , my kids sat us down and let me know that mom had someone else in her life she was interested in and it was down hill then on as she confided that something happened and she is leaving town to go live with her childhood Friend.
She packed her bags and asked for the house to be sold and left country. Battling through a life threatening kidney disease caused by high BP , a road accident with two cars in total loss thank God none of the family members were injured , fighting an insurance claim etc and now the COVID pandemic has only made me resolve more to turn to God absolutely surrendering my will.
The last year has seen me go from alcoholism to psychological counselling. As they say , the chosen ones that endure are the ones God tests most and I turned to yoga , meditation and exercises. My support systems with a lovely responsible children and and extended family and a few friends have helped me recover , redeem and look forward.
I will only wish her my ex peace , health and happiness and pray that she deals with her menopause and depression by consulting medical experts and we as family are there to support her through her recovery. I do realize life is short and I need to do self care and ensure the sanity of the family is retained in good shape.
I started peri menopause and spoke openly to my husband about the revolting experience. He was very supportive and told me to get the best specialist money could buy. He backed me up after the practice gynaecologist refused hormones with a smirk and told me to take vitamins.
After a fortnight of my insomnia and crying all day, he begged me to book an appointment. Every time I visit the specialist, he is with me and taking an interest. We were married after peri started and as we got in the car to drive to the registry office, he ran into the house and lobbed my estradiol gel in my lap, just in case I needed it. No sex at present as he is recovering from a circumcision, but my sex drive is great because my specialist prescribes testosterone.
I am going through a living hell at the moment with menopause. It completely changes how you feel about yourself, your self esteem plummets and basically you feel like you are losing your mind. Never mind the anxiety, panic attacks, rages, histerical crying body aches insomnia plus everything else us women have to deal with.
My family are being Brilliant with me and the only advice I can give to you men is to be patient love your wives and always talk and listen to her.
Do not blame yourself for the situation but do not blame her either. Its puberty but in reverse everything that made us women is being sucked out of us. Biologically we would die years ago around menopause age. Mother nature sucks for women! But if you truly love her hang in there.
Oh my gosh, girl!!! You get it. I literally feel like I am losing my sanity! That poor man. Paul, I hope you read this. I know exactly how you feel, believe me.
My wife of 18 years is in menopause and the doctor does not know how long she has been in it. We are thinking it happened around when she had an oblasion done on her uterus. Here recently we have had a communication breakdown, she has told me she loves me but she is not as much in love with me as she was before, and she just needs time. She enjoys it but it seems like now it is something to be used against me somehow.
I can go a little while without sex but I cannot do without the snuggling and affection. I too feel lost. The woman I am so in love with seems to have turned her back on me. I have tried to be a great husband to her; I cook dinner at least 25 nights out of the month, I do the dishes and the laundry, I help our daughter with her schoolwork, I take out the garbage, I clean the house, I mow the yard, in other words, everything I can to make her life easier.
She has a blood test coming up to check her hormone levels, and we have a list of questions for the doctor. I read somewhere else that decreasing estrogen is also a cause of oxyticin levels dropping. This apparently has a large influence on mood, especially during menopause. I have on numerous occasions offered my help but she wants nothing. I am as lost as I have ever been.
To have a full meltdown that make her take the car in the middle of winter and left to disappear for 2 hrs. This time suddenly she became super attached and confident with our oldest more like a friend and dedicate the full amount of her time to our youngest before its was more me spending time with both, specially the oldest whom I rise since she was 5 and with our common daughter was usual to her my wife to pinned my little one on my no matter how tired I was from work she demanded to me to spend all the time left before she went to bed.
I mean I was alone all the time completely ignore in activities to the point that I got lost for about 1 hour and she did not care despised my friend looking for me. I have slowly become a piece of furniture in the house and as happens with teenagers my oldest is taking full advantage of this and not participating in any family activities always with a excuse my wife always supports.
Also stop sleeping with me. And in our last trip one of my work colleagues kind of insinuate to her was way to obvious to everyone but for her was not. And tell me its not a big deal … its difficult I have read so many histories and each one is different but for what I see the end result is the same….
My work also is very stressful. Hello All! I actually stumbled on this post while I was searching for how to deal with all of these changes on my own. I have been married for 8 years now. About two and a half years ago, he checked out in a physical way. He also has severe anger issues and flies off the handle in a verbally abusive way While he has never been super affectionate, it had come to a dead stop.
He blames my family and friends being in my life as a reason he has resentment for me. I was released by the drs found nothing wrong and my heart in great shape. The next week more things started happening: severe anxiety and panic; breathing issues, horrific heart palpaltations with chest and arm pain and headaches and they have not stopped at all for a year.
Peri menopause had struck me in all of the wort ways! I feel stripped and cheated out of a good life. He has taken me to the ER a few times and to the doctor but every time throws it back in my face that he has to do it.
He also knows I have dizziness from the head fog and that I have severe symptoms and often times steers clear of me afraid that I may ask him for help.
That is distressing and makes me feel very alone. I am reading your stories of support and how you tried and it breaks me down. This is all I want. Someone who is willing to listen, to hug me and make me feel safe when nothing feels that way anymore for me. Even as all of our stories are ending in heartbreak, I want to thank all of the men on here for sharing your stories and for the efforts you made.
It matters and it is also encouraging that men like you exist. God is in control am I pray that we all find peace and the unconditional love that we all deserve. Peri menopause has not made me mean. Good luck to us all. Hi Lea, thank you for commenting, we have tried to contact you via email to offer support but the email bounced back. Please do contact us at enquiries simplyhormones. Lea, my head went mad at 49, 5 years ago and when I needed him most my husband was drinking and watching movies.
I pleaded with him to work on our marriage, all he would say was he was lonely too but he pushed me away. I was feeling suicidal and so rejected. And I did something I never dreamt I would do, I cheated. I look back and its like another person did it. It gave me some sort of buzz and comfort and lasted for3 years.
Two adult kids married and two at home. I think women sort of wake up during perimenopause, especially if they have been the good little wife for years, they realise their life is passing by with a boring unattentive husband.
He has been a bully ever since we married 30 years ago yet I put up with it until then. It was like something snapped. I would beg you men, never be a mind reader, ask your wife what you can do to help. Last December after a row over a situation that I knew she was unhappy about, she declared she wanted a divorce.
No talking about it, no discussion, that was it. I had read about the possible impact of menopause on our marriage but what has happened has been a complete surprise to me. Wow, really? Did it ever occur to any of the men that perhaps after years of putting up with their spouses bullshit the women have finally had enough?
I asked for a divorce and my husband blamed menopause. I take out the garage, mow the lawn, do all the household repairs, work part time and make the same as he does full time , care for the three children and so on. He works and watches TV all day or reads comics or plays video games.
So men, if your wife has lost interest in you sexually or is being a mean tyrant or crying, instead of taking the easy way and sexist out and blaming hormones, perhaps take a look at your own behavior and see how you may have contributed to the problem.
Not every couple here has the same family dynamics, the continuing rant and blame shifting is childish. A war path to justifie a swollen attitude,. Women spend more time in the mirror for vanity diva. I felt this deep within my soul! Your drinking, lack of empathy, not caring, self centered egotistic being is what is wrong with me.
Problem is, I have told him countless times over the past 6 years what I need from him. What I want from him. Why is he not listening.?
Why is he not learning? I thought I was doing the right thing by letting him know these things and yet, once in a huge great while he will miraculously do one little thing and then does for himself like a reward….. That just totally defeats the purpose. Yes, I have major mood swings. Menopause is so hard on a woman. Take responsibility for your actions as well. A lot of truth in what you say,as I have been guilty,and we had many a row over this and the lack of intimacy,never got resolved as we never had adult discussions due to anger and lack of understanding,and immaturity we both resorted to nasty sarcasm,it was a vicious circle,she withheld her services viciously attacking my apparent laziness,I attacked her for being cold and Frigid!!!
We were both wrong,as we both did so much else for each other,that we both overlooked,id go to a 24 hours supermarket for painkillers and or Tampons,or get her a Maccy d Milk shake,run her and her family or friends to and from nights out,individually dropping them to their door at 1am,,she cooked and cleaned did laundry and bought me some amazing presents,,Yet we argued venomously over lack of sex,intimacy,hoovering and washing up!!!!
Things will eventually return to how they were before. And when they do, she will appreciate you more than ever. Web Design by Bright Design. Next post in Menopause Back to Knowledge Hub.
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Bring her a pitcher of ice water to help her cool off or rent a movie I suggest a comedy to boost her mood. What if she rebuffs your offers of help? Don't push it.
Eventually, you'll get points just for trying to be a good partner. Don't take it personally. You need to realize that your partner's distress over her body, lack of libido or prevailing angst is not about you. Her comments might be directed your way, but really it's the hormones talking. Don't think your relationship is falling apart or that she doesn't love you anymore.
Remember, this period will eventually pass. Share your feelings. While your role is to be supportive, don't resign yourself to being her punching bag. If you feel she's acting very unreasonably, tell her how you feel and how her actions affect you. Be specific: Explain how hurt you felt when she screamed at you for not turning on the air conditioner or how she blamed the fact that she couldn't sleep on you.
You need to be understanding, but you don't have to silently take abuse. Know when it's serious. If your partner has withdrawn from her usual activities and seems extremely miserable, urge her to see a doctor.
Depression can be a seriously debilitating condition and might not get better without intervention. You need to be at her back if she can no longer see reality and needs some medical attention. Seek help if you need it. If your wife's menopause is making you overly angry or exasperated, you might benefit from some professional help, too.
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